Turns out, men kick the bucket sooner than women….in every country in the world. That’s right. In every single one! It’s a fact. There are studies, diagrams, graphs, bleedin’ pie charts!! You name it, they got it!
And you know what those pie charts say? Nature doesn’t seem to like us much, and we don’t seem to like ourselves much better!
We’re the ones:
Dying as kids. Infant mortality? We’re topping that chart. Boys are more likely to be born premature, and they also have higher death rates in the first week of life. This gap continues throughout infancy. One significant reason is that boys are often more susceptible to infectious diseases, which might be attributed to their less mature immune systems. Additionally, boys seem to be at a higher risk for certain genetic disorders because they possess only one X chromosome. Go figure!
Going to war. We’re the ones lining up to get shot, blown up, and turned into hamburgers. ‘For God and country!’ Yeah, well, God’s probably rolling his eyes, and our country’s probably selling our graves to a fracking company.
Doing the dirty jobs. Mining, construction, anything that involves heavy machinery and a high probability of dismemberment? That’s our gig. We’re the ones crawling into the dark, dangerous holes, because, hey, someone’s gotta do it. But the fact is that someone’s usually a dumbass with a Y chromosome!
Driving like maniacs. Cars, motorcycles, anything with an engine? Yep, we’re turning it into a goddamn death trap. We think seatbelts are for wusses, and traffic laws are merely suggestions.
And then, when we survive all that, we’re still chugging down booze, smoking like chimneys, and eating enough red meat to give a T-Rex a heart attack.
So, yeah, women live longer. They’re not out there trying to win a Darwin Award every blastin’ day. They’re not trying to prove how tough they are by jumping off a roof onto a pile of rusty nails. They’re just living while we’re busy trying to kill ourselves in increasingly creative ways.
All things considered, I guess one could suggest it’s natural selection! But we’re making it real easy for natural selection to do its job, fellas. We’re basically handing it a damn checklist, and we’re making sure we’ve ticked off every box! It’s a tragicomedy of testosterone-fueled behavior. And the punchline? You got it: we die first!